im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
