u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
