while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
