I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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