Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
