That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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