Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
