As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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