now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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