Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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