Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
