Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
