we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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