I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
