youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
