he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
