The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I look better un-naked...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
