he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
