I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
