The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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