thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
