Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
