I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
