You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
