I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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