Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
