Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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