We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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