the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
