I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
