Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
