Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
