dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
