Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
