He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
