he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
