The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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