fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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