You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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