Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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