i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
