Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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