cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
