you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
