The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
