based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
