We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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