Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
