Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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