Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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