what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
